Social Media, con't

In my podcast last week, I talked about social media. I like social media, I have used social media to run a business. I’m not against it as a rule.

Social media is a tool, that’s all. It’s the same as a hammer in a tool box. It’s entirely useless without the user’s hand on it. It can wielded for good, to build wonderful things, or for bad things, like the time one of my kids swung a hammer and hit is brother in the head a little bit…

If you’re like me though, and enjoy a few minutes scrolling, then you can understand how easy it is to lose more than mere moments to it. It is effortless to mindless stare at a screen. That, I think is the problem.

I’m trying to be more intentional. I am trying to use my time for good. I have turned off notifications on my phone. It’s on my terms that I look. I feel like I can control myself better when there is no ding calling my attention to it.

I believe the internet and technology are God-given for our day. I believe that tremendous good can come from thoughtful, inspired hammer-wielding. I believe that we can bring joy and gladness to the world through social media. That is always my goal.

How are you swinging your hammer?

Podcast Ep 2

Episode Two is live!

I think Friday is the day for new episodes!

Podcast Ep 1

I am starting a podcast! Cuz, why the heck not? I'm not "in" all the podcast place yet, but I'm working on it. It's on soundcloud for now, and I'll get it all the places soon!

For the first short little episode click here. 

My First Experience with HIIT

So.

I download Fitness Blender. GO ME.

I pass the baby off to the biggest child, and declare to all, "I am going to go exercise. Watch TV and don't bug me!"

They all agree with varying levels of enthusiasm.

I head upstairs and realize, oh. First, Ima need some support. It's been a month or more since I exercised. I had been treadmilling, but then got pneumonia, and then I was lazy. Digging through drawers and laundry baskets was necessary to find the proper clothing *aka, sports bra*.

Ok, so five minutes have passed since I declared I was "GOING TO GO EXERCISE."

At this point, three children have already come upstairs to goggle.

"Are you going on your treadmill?"
"Are you going to wear your pajamas?"
"What kind of exercise?"

I answered each of them with the compassion and love any angel mother would, "No, go away, I'm going to exercise!"

Finally, I pulled out the big guns and LOCKED MY DOOR.

All right, so this cute little thin, super fit lady is on my phone screen. I briefly debated downloading the app to my iPad, but ultimately decided not to take the time to go down the rabbit hole of forgotten passwords, and the app store.

Anyway back to the tiny woman on my tiny phone screen. I hit play and we GET TO WERK.

Thirty second later, I'm kinda sweaty and there is a gentle, but constant tapping on my door.

"ARG! WHAT?" I snap pausing the workout and angrily unlocking my door.

"Um," says a contrite Spencer. "Henry was wondering if he could have your computer." Ah, the eldest, in all his wisdom sent his brother into the beast's lair.

"No! He is supposed to be keeping Beatrice happy. Go watch TV. I'm TRYING TO EXERCISE!"

Snap goes the door. Click goes the lock.

I hit play again, and the little woman continues bouncing and doing all the things. I do them with her, grateful that the HIIT aspect means that like every 30 seconds I get a "break" meaning I can walk in place instead of jumping about. Walking is good.

Two minutes pass, and a hysterical Freddy is at my door. I don't even ask, I just unlock the door and he sobs his way to my bed, where he stops crying and watches me with fascination.

Three minutes later, the tiny woman on my tiny screen on my tiny phone goes, "PHEW! You know it's going to be a good workout when the WARM UP is making me winded."

Wait. What?

THIS IS JUST THE WARM UP?

Oh no. No. H-E-C-K (I'm trying to be good and not swear) NO.

I am going to DIE, and this is just the WARM UP.

DOES SHE NOT KNOW THAT I AM DYING? CAN SHE NOT SEE THAT I HAVE SEVEN CHILDREN WHO ALL BUG ME CONSTANTLY?

I AM TRYING TO EXERCISE!

WARM UP BE DARNED! (See, I'm being good!)

So, I fast-forward her skinny butt until I get to the REAL DEAL.

The REAL DEAL was MORE jumping, lunging, squatting, kicking, side-steping, cycle crunches and I don't even know what else.

Ezra comes crying to me, "OLIVER STOLE THE NERF DART AND..."

"NO!" I cry, after angrily pausing my super awesome workout AGAIN!

(It must be sidenoted that we have MANY Nerf guns and exactly ONE dart. You can imagine how well this works.)

"GO WATCH TV! I'M TRYING TO EXERCISE!"

He begrudgingly complies. Well, he went away, so who knows what happened after that?

Back at it. We're doing some sort of hop-step thing now. The girl in charge on my phone is like, totally out of breath. I quit breathing entirely, I'm pretty sure.

At some point in my haze, Miriam came upstairs screaming and crying because SOMEONE hit some part of her body.

"NO!" I cry, not bothering to pause Miss Skinny Workout girl. It's ride or die time people. RIDE or DIE.

"Just lay in my bed Miriam. I am TRYING TO EXERCISE."

She demurely complies and proceeds to watch me shuffle around like a dying T-Rex, trying to reach her toes. THEY ARE SO FAR AWAY.

Finally, my enthusiasm has waned, and I can't even pretend. I've gone from the "high impact" to the "low-impact modifications" that Miss Workout Queen has suggested to just straight up trudging in place. Ya'll I can't even call it walking in place. I was sort of sliding my feet from one spot to another.

I'm sweaty.

EVERY child of mine has come complaining at some point.

I can hear Beatrice hollering in protest. I'm done. I'm beat, I'm spent.

Surely, I have burned ALL THE CALORIES. My six-pack is well underway. I am AMAZING.

I HAVE EXERCISED.

I pause little Miss Tiny Tushie, and see the truth. Subtracting the WARM-UP *curse you warm up* that I skipped, I have managed to work out for twelve minutes.

Twelve.

Which is two more than I was expecting.

Go.Me.

Until tomorrow Miss Tiny Arms. Until tomorrow.

Saved Through Grace

Grace is one of my most favorite gospel topics. It is, in my opinion also, very misunderstood in the church. The doctrine is clear, but we get confused by all the "to dos" as members of the church. 

But what it boils down to is simply this: 

His Grace is sufficent. 

2 Nephi 25:23 says, "For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do."

You can not work your way into Heaven, friends. You can't. So, trust in the Lord, repent, and let His Grace be the key to your whole life. Jesus makes all the difference.

When God is Silent

Psalm 143:1 Hear my prayer, O Lord, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness.

Have you ever felt that your prayers were literally going unanswered? Despite your pleas, despite your faith, and righteous desire, you still do not hear or feel the inspiration, the answer that you feel you need? That you deserve?

I have been wrestling with this exact issue in my life of late.

I wanted an answer gosh darn it. Frankly, with the current trial, I wanted a bunch of answers.

And so I turned to scriptures, to prayer, to music, to all sorts of gospel mediums to try and seek the pathway we (as in myself, my husband and our family) should go.

As I turned my gaze heavenward over and over, it was very quiet.

Much quieter than I wanted.

I wanted some overwhelming conviction of what we were supposed to do.

And yet, the crickets chirped.

Nothing.

For weeks this went on.

WEEKS.

Until, one day, something shifted in my own heart and mind.

It occurred to me that despite study, prayer, etc, I wasn't actually doing my part. I wasn't acting.

"TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" wasn't going to get me anywhere.

Think of the Brother of Jared, when he went to the Lord with very legitimate and big problems, the Lord provided SOME of the answers but He also required the Brother of Jared to do some leg-work too.

 Ether 2:25 And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?

What WILL YE that I should prepare...

In other words, "What are you going to do about, Mahonri?"

In this case, God expected His child to use the intellect he had to figure it out.

God can do anything, anything that we ask. Sometimes He says no, and sometimes He says yes.

Sometimes, He says nothing.

Crickets. Nothing.

Richard G. Scott said, "When he withholds an answer, it is to have grow through faith in Him, obedience to His commandments, and a willingness to act on truth. We are expected to assume accountability by acting on a decision that is consistent with His teachings without prior confirmation. We are not to sit passively waiting or to murmur because the Lord has not spoken. We are to act."

This simple, profound truth can be TERRIFYING.

Just act.

Just do it.

Do what is right, let the consequence follow.

Use prior knowledge, insight, gospel truths and your own intellect to make a choice and move forward.

Scariest thing in the world.

Yet, it is also incredibly freeing, to say, "Lord, I am trying to have faith. I'm going to go ahead with this. Help it all be okay. Help ME be okay with whatever comes."

"Come what may and love it." 

So, maybe God is choosing to be silent.

Isn't it amazing?

His silence is proof to you of HIS ultimate faith in YOU. He knows you well enough to know that you will not fail Him.

He trusts in YOU as you trust in Him.

God's silence is His faith in His child.

So have faith in Him as He has faith in you.

You'll find the quiet a lot less terrifying.

Getting Better One Baby at a Time

People here in New England comment on our family ALLLLL the time. I can not leave the house without my kids without it happening. Since we homeschool, my kids all come all the time. It happens every single time we go anywhere.

I think people look at me, with my "large" family and say the thing that seems the most... benign.

"You sure have your hands full."

"Are they all yours?"

"You finally got your girl!"

"God bless you."

"Are you all done?"

And I smile and nod and thank them or answer or laugh with them, or whatever seems appropriate while I'm just wishing to survive the grocery store without losing anyone or my sanity and without forgetting AGAIN to buy black beans.

While those short conversations are really nothing is the course of a lifetime, and really what others think does not matter in this whole crazy life, but sometimes I wish I could explain. I wish I could set the record straight, that rather than them assuming that Derek and I don't "know what causes that" that they could SEE the way these children have made me...me.

I am so much better than I was when Henry was born. I'm a better mom, of course, but above all else, I'm a better person.

See, when I started on this path to motherhood, I was selfish. I didn't mean to be, and I didn't know I was. But I was 22 years old. I had two jobs I loved, a little apartment, a husband in grad school, and I knew what I WANTED.

Yes, part of what I wanted was a baby, and I got a cute, squishy one that never slept, I mean not at all.

And it made me angry. Didn't he know that at the end of a long day working, mothering, wife-ing, etc, that I just wanted to sit and watch TV? Or sleep?

It was hard to give that up. Because I was selfish. My time and energy had been mine to give and now it belonged to HIM and that made me resentful, not really at Henry but at the whole institution. But child after child has slowly burned that selfishness out of me. I am a slow learner, I'll admit.

And now? Sleep is for the childless.

I'm more okay with tired days and dreary nights. I'm better with accepting less personal time, less time for interests or hobbies, less time for anything really. It's not about me anymore and that took a while for me to realize (about, oh, three and a half babies, I'd say.)

 My selfishness, while not obliterated, has become much less. I'm becoming refined.

I find compassion easier to give, I'm more understanding of what others might be going through, or how they might perceive a situation. It allows me more patience. I used to be terribly impatient.

I worry less. I know bad things can happen, and while I work hard to prevent them, in the end, I can only do my best. The rest I have to let go of. My faith has grown immeasurably over the years. I can control almost nothing. I have to have faith.

I'm more confident in my own beliefs, in my own mothering, in my own convictions that every baby is different, every kid is different and there is no one way to do things. It's so much less stressful to shrug, say, "To each his own," and MEAN it. Oh I was so judgemental back then.

I'm more relaxed about basically everything. Socks don't match? Yeah, I don't care.

You want to eat four apples in a day? Fine. Don't come crying to me when you get the poops.

I pick my battles much more judiciously. Three year olds are not to be battled unless absolutely necessary. Let them run, play, be as free as you can, I've learned. Discipline less, teach more. Read more, watch less TV.

Love more love more love more.

My house? I could keep up with it when I had just two kids. Then there were more and it drove me nuts. Now? I don't even try, That's right, I don't even try. We work together every evening to clean and straighten. I don't stress about it. It is going to be a mess. It is going to be cluttered.

It is going to be a work in progress.

Just like me.

My body is way better now than it was nine years ago. My body has aged, it has grown five babies and is working on a sixth! There is no recovering from THAT. But it's also learned to get by with less food, less sleep and more tension. My ears are better at tuning out noise. My eyes don't see the mess the same way.

My heart has grown so much and still it can barely contain the love, the gratitude and the sheer amazement that is watching these people grow and become who they are going to be.

When I stopped working three years ago, I worried I would be lost, a ship without course. How could I be ANYTHING if I was JUST a mother?

Well. I still have those moments when I wonder why I bother, but overall, the places motherhood has brought me; the realizations, the growth, the potential I've reached are frankly, amazing.

I'm not bragging. I'm praising. It's nothing short of a miracle, what God has done to my life, where He has directed me, those who He's brought into my life to teach and mentor me and to set an example for me. These blessings from Heaven have made me better.

These children have made me better.

So, yeah, I've got a lot of kids, my hands are freaking full. But my spirit? It's finally being allowed to grow. As my body ages, changes, stretches, so does my spirit, and in all that, it's made new.

My perfection is still so far outside my grasp that I can do nothing but spiral upward, hoping to find it in the eternities through Christ, but for now, I can look back on the last almost decade and see how, through small and simple things, it could be possible that SOMEDAY I might, through lots of help and grace, get there.

You Are Loved

So, I've become a bit of an insomniac, not by choice, but a combination of a non-sleeping through the night toddler, among other things really puts a damper on my sleeping. Therefore, rather than sleep, I think,

It's tiring. :)

Recently, I was up and down all night with various sick children, and was thinking as I medicated, rocked and soothed, how a parental love is a type and symbol of God's love for His children.

It's imperfect, the love parent has a for child, but it's still to teach us, to draw us nearer to the love that our Heavenly Parents have for us.

There have been quiet (or not so quiet moments) when I've felt that my heart would burst for the love I have for the small ones with whom I've been entrusted. Any parent can probably testify to the same or similiar experience. The love for your child can cause an actual, physical ache and pain in your body.

Then, magnify that feeling by an infinite amount, and bam, you've got God's love for you.

Not just for "His children" in a very vague general billions and billions over the eons, way.

No.

God is so great, so all-knowing, so perfect and infinite that you are loved NOW, as you are, today, and always, individually, specifically and wholly.

In Exodus, Jehovah tells Moses, "“I know thee by name, and thou hast also found grace in my sight” (Ex. 33:12)

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said,


"

Even if you have forgotten God, He has not forgotten you.

Can you even begin to imagine the amazing all-encompassing love that this is? I can't. All I can do it try every single day to be worthy of a love I do not deserve.

Amazingly enough, that is God asks of us. To try a little harder, every single day.

A Rambling Post About What I Don't Know

Things have been quiet around here lately. I'm just kind of at a loss for words, everything I think to write in the middle of the night is forgotten by morning, silvery wisps I can't make solid. It's driving me crazy.

In the last few months, I've felt deeply, permanently that the Lord has changed me. He's changed my heart. It is so easy as a human person, to stagnate, stay the same, refuse (whether conciously or unconciously) to change. It's comfortable, clinging to our sins and weaknesses.

God doesn't want us to stay in our comfortable ungodliness though. He wants to burn all that away. He wants to exhalt us every single day.

And it's hard. And it hurts. And it's more fun, sometimes, to stay the same.

The thing is, God loves you and me, as we are, right now. Loving someone requires we accept them. God is the ultimate example of this. He loves us as we are, even when we are terribly disobedient.

But just as a parent hopes for their child, He has hopes and dreams for us and KNOWS we can accomplish them.

So, I've felt that pull to be better, be more, give more, think of myself less in the last months. My soul has begun to hunger (Enos 1:4) for a deeper understanding of my role on earth, my duty to the kingdom, my job, so to speak.

And I've found that when I let that change enter my heart, when I pull away from the sins I love so dearly, that I can more fully recognize my Father's hand in things, I see His face more clearly.

Much like a child running to a parent with a skinned knee from falling off a bike, I quickly find myself flinging towards my Parents in Heaven, desperate for refuge for a moment, before I head on back out, to keep trying, to keep learning, to keep moving forward.

I'm also having to learn to let go of some things I think I want. They aren't BAD things either. But I am learning to trust that whether THOSE things I want come to pass or not matters far less than the reality that no matter what, Heavenly Father has a plan.

So, I'm trying. And this whole book/blog project is a part of this whole thing. I can't explain it, I can't put it in words (which is why I've been struggling mightily with words lately), but I know that THIS is what the Father wants me to do. Even if it is solely for my own growth and development, so be it.

I'm trying.

How to Handle Bad Days

Via

It's sort of a catch 22... be happy, be joyful, be grateful, be happy. I mean, we've got so many blessings!! We have no business being grumpy, or irritated, or tired, or headachy, or...

Except when we're grumpy, or irritated or tired or headachy or...

See, today? Today I'm not in the mood. I'm not in the mood to cook for the five ravenous children demanding to be fed.

I'm not in the mood to educate my children.

I'm not in the mood to do the dishes.

Or the laundry.

Or deal with the CONSTANT mini-battles that seem to define and shape the interactions of my children.

I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.

And I feel guilty about that.

I'd LIKE to want to.

I'm not actually sure WHY I don't want to.

But, I just know that I've already threatened to lock each and every one of my sons outside for the duration because of one reason or another.

The thing is, I DON'T CARE WHO HAD THE TOY FIRST. DO YOU HEAR ME? I DON'T CARE.

GO PLAY!

Phew. I wish even that small tirade made me feel less like running away screaming.

It didn't.

I think we all have days when we just don't feel like doing the things we're supposed to do everyday.

Some days we feel less happy and thrilled with life than others.

It's normal. 

Thing is, I think the way we handle THESE kinds of days are the real test, ya know? How do you deal with the frustrations, the little challenges, the little tests? How can you rise above your own desires (TO BE LEFT ALONE) and serve the way we've been called to?

Here are some ways to deal with the days like this:

1. Pray. Pray for strength. Pray for a quiet heart. Pray that God will grant you the wisdom to get through a tough moment. There are times when I genuinely have to simply walk away from my children, go to my room, shut the door and hit my knees. In times when that isn't possible, a prayer heavenward in my mind can remind me of my purpose.

2. Change it up. Can you shake up your routine in any way? What can you do differently? Go for a walk? Put in the afternoon at the park? Make something untraditional for dinner? What can you do to make it all seem less frustating? Less monotonous?

3. Enlist help. I think sometimes, (not all the time) it is appropriate to share with your kids that you are having a rough day. It's okay to ask them for help, to ask them to be kinder and more patient with each other, because it will help YOU be kinder and more patient with them. I don't think there is harm in showing your children that you are human.

4. Work. The best cure for not wanting to work, is to get up and get to work. Work your frustrations out on that dirty counter, or the pile of laundry. Instead of loafing and wasting time, getting to work will allow you, despite your initial feelings, a great deal of satisfaction. You worked that frustration to your favor.

Gordan B. Hinckely said,“The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: He or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she who is served.”
― Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes

5. Accept that every single day will not be sunshine and roses. It's okay. Tomorrow will be better. While we are that we might have joy, most days are just regular days. Try and find the joy in the moments. If there simply isn't any, then hang on, because you never know what tomorrow will mean.

Hang in there. I know that for myself, today, I'm surviving. I'm trying NOT to be a grumpy mom. I'm failing. But, I'm going to go practice the above list, and I'm having faith that it will get better.

A Lesson From A Goat

My life is strange. I have these goats. They are funny creatures, who are mainly tasked with mowing the lawn. They do an EXCELLENT job, as I have not used the lawn mower since July. LOVE that.

Our goats though tend to prefer to aim higher than merely grass. I had to fence in my poor abused peach tree babies because the goats were nuts for their leaves. The fuzzy peaches held no fascination and were all quickly wasted and knocked to the ground.

Any small sapling or low hanging branch is for their taking. And if it's tall or hard to reach, they will still try, often using one another to stack themselves a bit taller to reach.

It's funny, and obnoxious all at the same time.

They are determined to reach higher.

They are not hungry, there is a plethora, a feast even upon the ground and yet those delectable leaves, the ones that at first glance seem out of reach are irresistible to them.

This afternoon, my kids came in to report that Sally, the most determined of the trio had climbed the ladder left propped next to a shed-in-progress that Derek is working on. She had done so in order to get to the brilliant red maples leaves completely out of reach. Sure, she could eat the ones that had fallen to the ground, but the ones up higher were just so much better.

Practicing Perfection 2013

And you know, I have been thinking about the applications of that darn goat-on-the-roof situation all afternoon.

Here is what I have concluded:

It is so important to be happy with all we have, to be content and grateful for that which the Lord has given us.

But.

We also always need to be aiming higher. How can we practice perfection and eternal progression if we're stagnant?

Be grateful for the lengths and strides you've made, do not wallow in the imperfections, but always always be working hard to achieve the potential that the Lord has in mind for you. 

The famous Billy Graham said, "Being a Christian is more than just an instantaneous conversion- it is a daily process whereby you grow to be more and more like Christ." 

Don't get complacent, don't get discouraged. Be thankful, and prayerful and keep moving upward, reaching for the heights God wants you to reach. 

You got this! 

Excerpt from PRACTICING PERFECTION, Chapter Four, Perfection Within the Church

Chapter Four: Perfection Within the Church

“I have a sister who no longer attends church. One of the excuses she gave me was because she felt like we expected too much of people when being perfect wasn't possible. That really got me thinking about what it is. The concept of perfectionism is a difficult one to understand. Why should we strive to attain something that we know isn't possible? Yes, we probably won't achieve perfection, but striving for perfection gets us so much farther along than throwing our hands up in the air and just demanding that it's not possible. We are asked to strive to be perfect, not to reach perfection. There is a big difference. Once I figured this out I understood the pressure much better and it made it much easier to deal with!” ~Amy~

 “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).  Jesus didn’t charge us with trying to keep up with everyone else’s assumed or observed spiritual perfection.

Yet, so often within the world of the church, we find ourselves comparing, contrasting, wondering what she has that I don’t, wishing we could be as spiritual as that person, or that person.

While the gospel is a beautiful and simple gift, it can very difficult in the church (as in our ward families, stakes, or even neighborhoods, depending on your address) to remember that we are all experiencing the simplicity of the gospel in our own special, personal way.

As discussed in the social media chapter, when we find ourselves looking outward, and judging, we easily can become discontent with what we do have.

“Judging? I’m not judging.”

Yes you are. Even if your view of the person whom you are looking at is positive, you are still judging.

In the world full of “tolerate this, don’t judge me, I’m doing right by me,” we have begun conditioning ourselves to think, “I feel a certain way about something but that doesn’t mean I’m judging.” After all, in Matthew, right before Christ reminds up about the whole beam/mote scenario, he says, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.”

So, instead of “judging not,” we do judge, try to act like we’re not, and then in turn are judged by others. It’s just a cycle.

Let’s look at it in a less literal way, and use the rest of the chapter to give us some guidance. After Christ says not to judge, he reminds us that our own issues are of real concern and no one else’s should we be worried about. Then, in verse 5 he tells us all to not be hypocrites.

Ah, there it is. The key word. “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

Don’t be a hypocrite. Don’t judge.

All right. It is super easy to just say “Stop judging”. There, I just said it. But to actually practice it? Well. That is a whole other ball game. 

Enjoy the Moment

"It's almost October," I  gasped this afternoon to Derek when we met for lunch.

Derek nodded grimly.

"It's just, life... it's rushing past!" I added.

Derek is very wise. He sighed and said, "I think we need to slow down."

How? How can we possibly slow down? Between the many many responsiblities we've taken on, nothing, NOTHING is ever completely done.

The house is cluttered mess more than it's not.

Derek's work is never finished.

The children are never ever asleep. (No, seriously...)

The world today values busyness, they value speed, efficency. The world demands we be economical with our time.

Derek receives emails at work, and often, people are disgruntled when he doesn't reply immediatley. Deadlines speed up like lightning. There is no rest for the weary.

None.

So, how can we slow down?

After discussing it over lunch with my man, here is what we've come up with:
1. Exercise. Talk a walk, breathe. A change of scenery can make a huge difference in your day.
2. Less technology. Set your phone aside. Look out the window. Read a book. Pet a cat, rock a baby.
3, Make times for things of the spirit. Commune with God. Study.
4. Enjoy the moment. President Uchtdorf gave a wonderful conference talk in April called "Enjoy the Moment." In it he reminds us all that life is a journey, not a race. Enjoy the little things.
5. Count your many blessings. Whenever gratitude surges in your heart, send a prayer heavenward in thanks.

Instead of Expecting Perfection, Let's Love One Another

Photo source

I am not perfect.

I have a propensity to swear, I drink Diet Coke, and I get impatient with my children.

There. See?

I'm not glorying in my sins either. Oh no, the opposite. I do try each day to be better. I've cut back on all of the above.

But, still not perfect.

I'm not confessing these things because I'm proud of them, quite the opposite in fact. I've been known to make sure the Diet Coke is hiding when church members are coming over.

The reality is, I'm not good enough.

So often we try oh so very hard to prove to each other that we are indeed perfect, or at the least, better than we are actually. And we expect, if we're being honest with ourselves, others to do the same.

I believe that we do each other as the body of Christ, a huge disservice when we allow those we love, know and serve with, to think we're perfect and when we in turn, think others are more perfect than we are.

Look, I'm not suggesting that we wear our issues, sins or weaknesses on our t-shirts, but perhaps, if we were a bit more vulnerable with one another, we'd have more compassion, more love, more service and even more patience with one another.

James 5:16 reads, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."

Oh how I love this verse! When we share our trials with one another, we are inviting the prayers of one another to heal us. Think of the prayer roll in the temple. What an amazing gift it is to have our friends praying for our weakness, rather than judging.

What if, when we are tempted to click our mental tongues disapprovingly when we notice someone's imperfection, we instead, offered a prayer for them to be strengthened, and for us to be better too.

And when we let go of our desires to see others as perfect and for those others to see us as perfect, we are allowing Christ's grace to be sufficient.

At the end of The Book of Mormon, Moroni pleads with us to become perfected in Christ, through (and only through) His grace. He never says, "Be better, but you're the only one who needs this verse." We ALLLLLL need it. We all need to be perfected through Christ. Let us cut one another some slack. Forgive imperfections you see in people. Remember they desperately don't want you to notice them.

Be kind.

Love each other.

Don't worry about anyone else's imperfections. Just work on your own.

And remember the words of Moroni. " Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God." (Moroni 10:32)

How To Draw Nearer to Christ: Accept His Grace

John 3:16 reads, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

I love this verse. It is beautiful to me. It sums up, in perfect simplicity the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

He died so we can live.

It is only through His grace and mercy that we can be saved.

There is nothing in this world or the next that I can do, to have everlasting life, without Jesus.

Once I started to really embrace that truth, I began to feel closer to my friend, Jesus.

You see, in the LDS world, we work hard. Work is good, and we should be always striving to be better.

But sometimes, I think we do a lot of things, with the hopes that perhaps if we work hard enough, and repent enough, we just might make it to the Celestial Kingdom.

And the scriptures are clear, that's not how it works.

Once I accepted the fact that NOTHING I do will get me to the Celestial Kingdom on my own, my relationship with my Savior expanded 10, 20-fold.

You can not work your way into Heaven.

You can't.

I can't.

No one can.

Jesus is the only person in the history of any world who was perfect. And because I think, Heaven  would be very lonely if it was just He and the rest of the Godhead hanging out, and because our Parents in Heaven loved us enough to let their Son die for you and for me, we get to go back to be with them, with our loved ones, with each other.

And that makes me want to be better. It makes me want to earn that love, even though I can't. It makes me want to lessen the suffering that I caused the greatest human in history to feel.



What can we do?

We can accept the gift that He freely gave when suffered, died and was resurrected.

How do we accept it?

Have faith, repent, make and keep our covenants, and be ever thankful to the One who makes it all come together.

Once you let go of the pain and anguish and GUILT that rides along with trying to be "good enough" to get into Heaven, you will feel your heart lifted, and your spirit draw nearer to Christ, because gratitude will make you want to be better.

Gratitude is one of the only things we can give the Lord. He gives us all. We can be grateful and accept His grace.

Elder Richard D. Scott said, "My reverence and gratitude for the Atonement of the Holy One of Israel, the Prince of Peace and our Redeemer, continually expand as I strive to understand more about it. I realize that no mortal mind can adequately conceive, nor can human tongue appropriately express, the full significance of all that Jesus Christ has done for our Heavenly Father’s children through His Atonement. Yet it is vital that we each learn what we can about it. The Atonement is that essential ingredient of our Father in Heaven’s plan of happiness without which that plan could not have been activated. Your understanding of the Atonement and the insight it provides for your life will greatly enhance your productive use of all of the knowledge, experience, and skills you acquire in mortal life."

Be grateful and accept the gift as it is given. You can't get anywhere without Christ's atonement.

Accept the gift, and be grateful that when you fail (notice I did not say 'if") repentance is yours freely, as is the grace of our Savior to wash away your sins.

You will find, when you accept the Atonement with a grateful heart, that you will be nearer to the Giver.

First Draft is FINISHED!!!

Hurrah! The first *very* draft of PRACTICING PERFECTION is finished.

I can't explain what this means.

It means that months of work and research are now living and breathing on paper.

Derek is leaving for a conference this week, and will be taking the first *very* rough draft for an edit while airplaning about.

This is so so so thrilling.

And it's bizarre because I look back and feel just like C.S. Lewis described,



Exactly that. I read things I wrote back in July and am like, "Huh, that's interesting, I never thought about it like that before." And then I laugh because I WROTE IT.

Heavenly Father is in this project, He's in every word. I can't describe it properly, but suffice it to say, He told me what to write.

My heart is full of gratitude for that.

A Wee Bit of Inspiration

I am finding inspiration these days in unlikely places: CHURCH! Don't laugh, I'm serious. When you have five little children to keep quiet during sacrament meeting, the idea of actually HEARING what someone is saying up front is pretty ridiculous. But for a few moments yesterday, I got to nurse Miriam in the Mother's lounge with only ONE extra kid and so, I got to breathe and listen to the words. It was lovely, and beyond the speaker, I had some ideas that I need to get into a word document. That doesn't happen much on Sundays (ever, actually, I try not to work on Sundays), so rather than risk losing my ideas, I jotted them down right then and there (also a miracle, I HAD A PEN AND PAPER!)

I'm thankful for small tender mercies, like a hungry baby and a quiet toddler. I'm thankful that my spiritual self is learning to listen over a bit of chaos as well. Sometimes my best ideas come while I'm wiping off a table or loading the dishwasher, and I'm grateful for that.

(Please note the pile of rocks behind my notes. My life is strange. I can't deny it.)



So, I'm trusting that John 16:13 is true when it says, "Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come."

I trust that I will hear and be shown the things that I need to do to get this project finished. :)

In the meantime, I shall also continue to try and not yell at my kids when they make messes when I'm distracted. It's a process, people. A PROCESS.

Why is it Called "Practicing Perfection"?

Derek and I hashed this out a bit last night. We want the message of all THIS to be "No one is perfect, you can't be in this life, but that's okay because we keep trying to improve, to be better and in the end, our Savior makes up the difference."

But that was a very long title for a blog or book.

So, we settled here: Practicing Perfection. You keep going, you don't stop trying, you try a little harder to be a little better. You practice for eternity each and every day.

The JST of Hebrews 6:3 says, "And we will go on unto perfection, if God permit." 

Go on, eventually, someday, we'll get there in the next life. This life is a trial, a practice-run for the real deal. Practicing, improving and getting better, working toward our eternal goals is vital. So that someday, through Grace of our God, we'll be perfected in Him.

So, we practice. Every time we get out of bed, we are working on being better, and having faith that in the end, it'll all be okay.

Excerpt from Chapter One, Practicing Perfection

As women, we are the experts at guilt, self-deprecation, anti-ego, and well, all things that we deem as humility, but are in fact, just slandering ourselves against the talents and abilities with which we have been richly blessed. Satan, that dastardly father of all lies wants you to believe these things. He wants you to think that your neighbor is better in all aspects because her lawn is green and beautiful, while yours is bit scraggly. He wants you to care deeply what others think, and feel stunted and worthless when you believe yourself to be less than them. He wants to use the very things you've been blessed with as tools to drag you down. He will continually knock you down, make you feel stupid, fat, poor and useless.

And we so very often let him. Oh my friend. We let him more than we even realize. Every single day in our pathway to perfection, we allow Satan to tell us how much we stink. Far too often, when he hisses in our ears that we shouldn't bother because we’re just going to fail anyway, we believe him. We believe him, and we revel and wallow in our unholiness.

Now see here, I don’t mean to tell you that you’re bad! No indeed. In fact, for someone who despises the light so very much, Satan spends a great deal of time hanging out with those who try to be the most full of light. Wallowing in darkness of the truly evil isn't that much fun. In those cases, Satan has already won. The most evil and vile of things are Satan’s trophies. He likes to visit them and pat himself on the back for winning most thoroughly. But like a true competitor (Satan is absolutely a competitor), a trophy room isn't enough. He needs to be always adding to his collection. So he sneaks into the lightest of places, where Christ is invited to dwell, and pulls at those who despise evil and love light. He tells them they ought to stop bothering because they’ll never be good enough anyway. Then he glories in our defeat, as we hurt, and ache and wish we were more. 

It doesn't take much-- just a nudge to send us in the wrong direction. Regardless of our life experiences, and so much knowledge and confirmation from the Lord that we are good, that we are worthy, and that perfection is an eternal pursuit, we allow the snake to tell us otherwise.This does not please our Father. He doesn't want us to waste time wallowing in self-pity and despair. Remember the famous moment in Anne of Green Gables, when good, stalwart Marilla Cuthbert tells Anne that “To despair is to turn your back on God.” She is so very right.  Despair means that we cannot be saved, that we can be brought back up again. God wants you, in your moment of self-doubt and jealous observation of someone else’s perfection to stop, to pray, to seek the comfort from the Holy Ghost with whom you have a personal confidence, and remember who you are.

Oh my dear sister, remember who you are. 

Practicing Perfection: An introduction