I am a Prodigal Child

No matter what, no matter how hard I try, I am a prodigal daughter. I can't follow perfectly, I am NOT the older son, who never transgressed a single time. 

Simply put, I am prone to wander. 

And I think, deep down, in our core's every single one of us indeed a prodigal child of God. It doesn't matter how much we want to be perfect. We aren't. We all stray. 

Amazing, isn't it, though, that proverbially, every single time we stray, we are able to return home, and let the fatted calf be killed in our honor. Our Savior's sacrifice allows us to celebrate the little returns home, when humble ourselves enough to admit that we've screwed up. 

I can't pretend that maybe it would be better if I were the older son, my only transgression being righteous indignation at the sins of another, perhaps... 

But I am not. I will never be that good. Not in this life, not without the inheritance Christ has promised. 

 It's pretty easy to assume that is the better course. Perfection is the goal, right? 

Turns out though, that I don't actually WANT to be that older brother. Nope. Not really anyway.

What I think is more important, is to be humble, to be determined to get back home again, even if we wander. I think when we're at our lowest, wallowing with pigs, that we most want to find the light. 

As the hymn, "Come Thou Fount" says, 

"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God, I love.

Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above" 

If we give our hearts to Christ, then even when we wander a bit, even if we get very very far off course, leave the God we love so dearly, we are never too far to come home. Even if we willingly rebel. We can still come home. It's not too late. Ever. 

Think of Alma the Younger. He was so far off the path, that he took great glee in leading others purposefully AWAY from God. That's SUPER bad. You would have to try to be that bad. 

And yet, through Christ's atonement, Alma received forgiveness! Despite what he had done, his heart ultimately was sealed in Christ's courts above. 

As it says, in Luke 15:32, "It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found." 

We are all lost, we are all dead, and made alive again, over and over and over through Christ. Each time we turn to Him and say, "I screwed up again, same as last time, and I'm really sorry. I really do want to be better," we're made alive, we're saved, over and over. 

I am the prodigal daughter of a kind, benevolent Father who simply wants me to come home. 

I am the prodigal sister of a Savior who's love and sacrifice are so deep and infinite that it is beyond comprehension. 

And it turns out, that I'm okay with that. Me and my imperfections will just have to try harder tomorrow to return home. 

Please, dear friend, don't let the fact that you too are prone to wander, that you might have weakness that you wish you didn't, or even sins that you kind of like, keep you from home. Don't give up. Keep on heading toward home. 

It'll be worth it. 

Rejoice, Rejoice Emmanuel HAS Come!

I find that Christmas music is such an excellent form of expression during the season. I DO NOT mean trite songs such as Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, fun though they may be.

No, I mean, that there is power in the notes, poetry and worship that is created through the music.

I can't eloquently express (despite multiple attempts at it) the depth or breadth of feelings, testimony and abundance of joy that attend during the Christmas season. It simply can not be expressed in mere words.

So, rather than continue blog silence while I try and fail to add anything of uplift to what is potentially the most wonderful and stressful, and expensive, and busy time of the year for us all, I think I'll share a bit here with words AND music. It's the only way I can think to adequately do the thing. I don't expect anyone to sit here and look/listen all the way through in one sitting, but if you can, great!!


Merry Christmas. I only posted three of the ones I WANT to post here, so perhaps I'll do another round soon. :)

What Child is This. by Lindsey Stirling

Child of the Night

By Holly Woolley

Child

Of the night and hushed

Majesties of light.

Cool evening breeze

And single cry,

A mother’s tender arms

And eyes …

Unspoken grace adorns

Crude stable hay and

Humble cloth.

A King is born

In quiet manger

Without pretence

Or display …

No jeweled crown

Nor fame is found

Except,

In lighted

Sky

And whisper

Of a father’s tender

Murmur of His name,

“Jesus.”

The morning breaks

In quiet sigh and fame;

A dark and sleeping

World awakes

To never be

The same.

Jospeh's Lullaby by MercyMe

Joseph, By Gilbert Thomas

Who has not carolled Mary
   and who her praise would dim?
But what of humble Joseph
   is there no song for him?

If Joseph had not driven
   straight nails through honest wood;
If Joseph had no cherished
   his Mary as he should;

If Joseph had not proved him
   a sire both kind and wise
Would he have drawn with favour
   the Child's all-probing eyes?

Would Christ have prayed "Our Father",
   or cried that Name in death
Unless he first had honoured
   Joseph of Nazareth?

O Come O Come Emmanuel, David Crowder Band 

O Come O Come Emmanuel"

O come o come emmanuel

And ransom captive israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the son of god appears

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel shall come to thee oh israel

Oh come thou day-spring come and cheer

Our spirits by thine advent here

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night

And death's dark shadows put to flight

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel shall come to thee oh israel

Oh come desire of nations bind

In one the hearts of all mankind

Bid thou our sad divisions cease

And be thyself our king of peace

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel shall come to thee oh israel

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel has come

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel has come

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel has come

He has come

He has come

O come o come emmanuel

And ransom captive israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the son of god appear

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel shall come to thee oh israel

He's coming towards us now

He's coming towards us now

He's coming towards us now

He always will

If the Savior Stood Beside Me...

I'm the Primary Music Leader in our ward, and it's a wonderful amazing calling. I've learned SO much over the last nine months. One of the things I continue to be reminded of is the power and testimony that exist in sacred music.

Our Primary Program is in a few weeks so we've been hitting the songs particularly hard in preparation. One that isn't in the primary book but is included in this year's program is a song called "If the Savior Stood Beside Me" by Sally DeFord.

Throughout the year, I can't tell you how many times the words from this song have come back to remind me to be better.

If the Savior stood beside me
would I do the things I do?
Would of think of His commandments
and try harder to be true?
Would I follow His example?
Would I live more righteously
if i could see the Savior standing
nigh watching over me?

If the Savior stood beside me
would I say the things I say?
Would my words be true and kind
if He were never far away?
Would I try to share the gospel?
Would I speak more reverently
if I could see the Savior standing
nigh watching over me?

He is always near me
though I do not see him there.
And because He loves me dearly
I am in His watchful care.
So I'll be the kind of person
that I know I'd like to be
if I could see the Savior standing
nigh watching over me.

(see more verses HERE)

Over and over again, I fail at this. Over and over, I'd be utterly ashamed if I had Jesus at my side, when I'm unkind to my kids, when I fail to think before I speak, when I just make BAD choices.

My own personal behavior would be 110% different. My patience level would be raised, the tone of my voice would be lowered. I'd be far less likely to snap at a child or be short with my husband if Jesus was sitting on the couch, observing my days.

Al Fox Carraway (she's super cool, get to know her) recently posted a YouTube video about a day she carried a picture of Christ with her everywhere, not in her purse, not in her pocket, but in her hand. She said it made quite a difference in the way she thought and acted.

If I didn't have to wrangle 156 children everywhere I go, I'd do the same. Just to see.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUv5n2Lh5vw
( I can not for the life of me get this to embed! ARG!)

Here is the issue, friends, as true believers in Christ, we KNOW that he is INDEED watching our every move. Every sin and weakness that He paid the price for is on display for Him to see.
And that truth is on my mind a lot. The fact is that I'm a hypocrite, saying one thing and then doing another. Aren't we all?

Elder Uchtdorf said, "If you define hypocrite as someone who fails to live up perfectly to what he or she believes, then we are all hypocrites. None of us is quite as Christlike as we know we should be. But we earnestly desire to overcome our faults and the tendency to sin. With our heart and soul we yearn to become better with the help of the Atonement of Jesus Christ."

YES! We are. But, so long as we are EARNEST in our attempts, and desires to be better, then we are on the right path. So, even though Jesus sees and knows all that we do, more than Him being present here in our physical space, He is present in our minds and in our hearts. He knows what we are truly trying to be.

I know that this sweet little primary song teaches a true principle: that when we are striving to be as Jesus wishes us to be, we will be better, kinder, more patient, more gentle and meek. I promise you it's true.

Christ is in our lives and in the details of every single day.

So, keep trying friends to do and say the things you would if the Savior stood beside you.