New Year's Process!

Derek wrote this about resolutions verses goals verses actually getting stuff done. He kindly agreed to let me post it here. That's how we roll. Happy New Year!! 

New Year/New Process

At this time of having a year anew we often decide to have resolutions. I want to share two concepts with you that every person should keep in mind as they develop resolutions. The first is focusing on the process and not the outcome, the second is developing healthy living skills.

Process not Outcome

When we think of resolutions we think of overarching abstract goals for what we want in the New Year, like, “I want to spend more time with family”, or “I want to lose weight”, or “I will be a better father/mother”, etc. These ideas while good are not specific enough to be of service in the day to day living that we are engaged in. These statements are all outcome statements, while you want a specific outcome the abstract outcome is neither specific nor is it enough to sustain change in the moment.

 Instead, focus on process. Process is to change the outcomes to specific behaviors I will engage in on a routine (daily, weekly, biweekly, etc.) basis.

Instead of “I want to spend more time with family” because it is too vague you would develop a set of habits that will increase the likelihood of spending more time with family. Some ideas include: “I will go to work a half hour early every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday so I can come home a half hour early to play a game with my children”, “I will turn off my cellphone and my computer while at home”, and “Every day will begin and end with family prayer”.

 These are just three ideas of process, your process goals should be things you can maintain and be built upon with increased goals. Notice I said a half hour early not an hour or two early and only three days a week not every day.

The idea is to begin with something attainable that you can feel good about as you achieve the process goals and then over time you can increase those goals. Each individual will have different process goals to work toward attaining their desired outcome. Imbedded in process is the belief that you do not need to be PERFECT, you focus on IMPROVEMENT. Even having family prayer in the morning and night one day is better than not at all and it begins the process of having prayer every morning and night, it may not be every day at the beginning but it will come as you PRACTICE.

Healthy Living Skills

As you plan your resolutions you can focus on developing skills of healthy living. Healthy Living Skills are contained in the five categories of living: Emotional, Mental, Relational, Financial and Spiritual. You must first take stock of where you are and then plan a program of improvement where your goal is to improve yourself in each of the five categories with plans for ways you can grow little by little.

Within the Emotional category you might resolve to attend a yoga class to increase your ability to relax and not get overstressed, or you can resolve to spend fifteen minutes a day engaged in meditation practices.

In the Mental category you will want to set a goal for improving your knowledge or mental abilities. One goal can be to take one college course or to memorize a scripture a week.

The Relational category can be focused on improving an individual relationship, like having a fifteen minute conversation with my wife every night to discuss her feelings or improving a relationship skill, like practicing “active listening skills” once a day.

Financial resolutions should be something small, not “pay off all my debts” but something similar to “track my income and expenditures”. The tracking can build into paying off debts little by little or increasing savings at an achievable rate.

Spiritual growth should be a focus of every person no matter what level of spirituality they are currently. These can be as simple as writing a daily gratitude journal and use those entries in my morning and night prayers, or just setting a goal to pray first thing in the morning.

The goal is to improve yourself in each of the five areas, and bringing in the process not outcome concept you will begin with an activity that is achievable and can help you grow. Choose to only do one thing better in each category, do not get overzealous and set high expectations of change.

So, as you plan for your new year, develop process oriented healthy living goals. As you do, you will find your resolutions are both easier to maintain and they can grow all year long. These goals then become habits and you can find yourself not failing at a huge resolution but overtime growing and becoming better.

Rejoice, Rejoice Emmanuel HAS Come!

I find that Christmas music is such an excellent form of expression during the season. I DO NOT mean trite songs such as Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, fun though they may be.

No, I mean, that there is power in the notes, poetry and worship that is created through the music.

I can't eloquently express (despite multiple attempts at it) the depth or breadth of feelings, testimony and abundance of joy that attend during the Christmas season. It simply can not be expressed in mere words.

So, rather than continue blog silence while I try and fail to add anything of uplift to what is potentially the most wonderful and stressful, and expensive, and busy time of the year for us all, I think I'll share a bit here with words AND music. It's the only way I can think to adequately do the thing. I don't expect anyone to sit here and look/listen all the way through in one sitting, but if you can, great!!


Merry Christmas. I only posted three of the ones I WANT to post here, so perhaps I'll do another round soon. :)

What Child is This. by Lindsey Stirling

Child of the Night

By Holly Woolley

Child

Of the night and hushed

Majesties of light.

Cool evening breeze

And single cry,

A mother’s tender arms

And eyes …

Unspoken grace adorns

Crude stable hay and

Humble cloth.

A King is born

In quiet manger

Without pretence

Or display …

No jeweled crown

Nor fame is found

Except,

In lighted

Sky

And whisper

Of a father’s tender

Murmur of His name,

“Jesus.”

The morning breaks

In quiet sigh and fame;

A dark and sleeping

World awakes

To never be

The same.

Jospeh's Lullaby by MercyMe

Joseph, By Gilbert Thomas

Who has not carolled Mary
   and who her praise would dim?
But what of humble Joseph
   is there no song for him?

If Joseph had not driven
   straight nails through honest wood;
If Joseph had no cherished
   his Mary as he should;

If Joseph had not proved him
   a sire both kind and wise
Would he have drawn with favour
   the Child's all-probing eyes?

Would Christ have prayed "Our Father",
   or cried that Name in death
Unless he first had honoured
   Joseph of Nazareth?

O Come O Come Emmanuel, David Crowder Band 

O Come O Come Emmanuel"

O come o come emmanuel

And ransom captive israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the son of god appears

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel shall come to thee oh israel

Oh come thou day-spring come and cheer

Our spirits by thine advent here

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night

And death's dark shadows put to flight

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel shall come to thee oh israel

Oh come desire of nations bind

In one the hearts of all mankind

Bid thou our sad divisions cease

And be thyself our king of peace

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel shall come to thee oh israel

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel has come

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel has come

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel has come

He has come

He has come

O come o come emmanuel

And ransom captive israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the son of god appear

Rejoice rejoice

Emmanuel shall come to thee oh israel

He's coming towards us now

He's coming towards us now

He's coming towards us now

He always will

You Are Loved

So, I've become a bit of an insomniac, not by choice, but a combination of a non-sleeping through the night toddler, among other things really puts a damper on my sleeping. Therefore, rather than sleep, I think,

It's tiring. :)

Recently, I was up and down all night with various sick children, and was thinking as I medicated, rocked and soothed, how a parental love is a type and symbol of God's love for His children.

It's imperfect, the love parent has a for child, but it's still to teach us, to draw us nearer to the love that our Heavenly Parents have for us.

There have been quiet (or not so quiet moments) when I've felt that my heart would burst for the love I have for the small ones with whom I've been entrusted. Any parent can probably testify to the same or similiar experience. The love for your child can cause an actual, physical ache and pain in your body.

Then, magnify that feeling by an infinite amount, and bam, you've got God's love for you.

Not just for "His children" in a very vague general billions and billions over the eons, way.

No.

God is so great, so all-knowing, so perfect and infinite that you are loved NOW, as you are, today, and always, individually, specifically and wholly.

In Exodus, Jehovah tells Moses, "“I know thee by name, and thou hast also found grace in my sight” (Ex. 33:12)

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said,


"

Even if you have forgotten God, He has not forgotten you.

Can you even begin to imagine the amazing all-encompassing love that this is? I can't. All I can do it try every single day to be worthy of a love I do not deserve.

Amazingly enough, that is God asks of us. To try a little harder, every single day.

If the Savior Stood Beside Me...

I'm the Primary Music Leader in our ward, and it's a wonderful amazing calling. I've learned SO much over the last nine months. One of the things I continue to be reminded of is the power and testimony that exist in sacred music.

Our Primary Program is in a few weeks so we've been hitting the songs particularly hard in preparation. One that isn't in the primary book but is included in this year's program is a song called "If the Savior Stood Beside Me" by Sally DeFord.

Throughout the year, I can't tell you how many times the words from this song have come back to remind me to be better.

If the Savior stood beside me
would I do the things I do?
Would of think of His commandments
and try harder to be true?
Would I follow His example?
Would I live more righteously
if i could see the Savior standing
nigh watching over me?

If the Savior stood beside me
would I say the things I say?
Would my words be true and kind
if He were never far away?
Would I try to share the gospel?
Would I speak more reverently
if I could see the Savior standing
nigh watching over me?

He is always near me
though I do not see him there.
And because He loves me dearly
I am in His watchful care.
So I'll be the kind of person
that I know I'd like to be
if I could see the Savior standing
nigh watching over me.

(see more verses HERE)

Over and over again, I fail at this. Over and over, I'd be utterly ashamed if I had Jesus at my side, when I'm unkind to my kids, when I fail to think before I speak, when I just make BAD choices.

My own personal behavior would be 110% different. My patience level would be raised, the tone of my voice would be lowered. I'd be far less likely to snap at a child or be short with my husband if Jesus was sitting on the couch, observing my days.

Al Fox Carraway (she's super cool, get to know her) recently posted a YouTube video about a day she carried a picture of Christ with her everywhere, not in her purse, not in her pocket, but in her hand. She said it made quite a difference in the way she thought and acted.

If I didn't have to wrangle 156 children everywhere I go, I'd do the same. Just to see.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUv5n2Lh5vw
( I can not for the life of me get this to embed! ARG!)

Here is the issue, friends, as true believers in Christ, we KNOW that he is INDEED watching our every move. Every sin and weakness that He paid the price for is on display for Him to see.
And that truth is on my mind a lot. The fact is that I'm a hypocrite, saying one thing and then doing another. Aren't we all?

Elder Uchtdorf said, "If you define hypocrite as someone who fails to live up perfectly to what he or she believes, then we are all hypocrites. None of us is quite as Christlike as we know we should be. But we earnestly desire to overcome our faults and the tendency to sin. With our heart and soul we yearn to become better with the help of the Atonement of Jesus Christ."

YES! We are. But, so long as we are EARNEST in our attempts, and desires to be better, then we are on the right path. So, even though Jesus sees and knows all that we do, more than Him being present here in our physical space, He is present in our minds and in our hearts. He knows what we are truly trying to be.

I know that this sweet little primary song teaches a true principle: that when we are striving to be as Jesus wishes us to be, we will be better, kinder, more patient, more gentle and meek. I promise you it's true.

Christ is in our lives and in the details of every single day.

So, keep trying friends to do and say the things you would if the Savior stood beside you.

A Rambling Post About What I Don't Know

Things have been quiet around here lately. I'm just kind of at a loss for words, everything I think to write in the middle of the night is forgotten by morning, silvery wisps I can't make solid. It's driving me crazy.

In the last few months, I've felt deeply, permanently that the Lord has changed me. He's changed my heart. It is so easy as a human person, to stagnate, stay the same, refuse (whether conciously or unconciously) to change. It's comfortable, clinging to our sins and weaknesses.

God doesn't want us to stay in our comfortable ungodliness though. He wants to burn all that away. He wants to exhalt us every single day.

And it's hard. And it hurts. And it's more fun, sometimes, to stay the same.

The thing is, God loves you and me, as we are, right now. Loving someone requires we accept them. God is the ultimate example of this. He loves us as we are, even when we are terribly disobedient.

But just as a parent hopes for their child, He has hopes and dreams for us and KNOWS we can accomplish them.

So, I've felt that pull to be better, be more, give more, think of myself less in the last months. My soul has begun to hunger (Enos 1:4) for a deeper understanding of my role on earth, my duty to the kingdom, my job, so to speak.

And I've found that when I let that change enter my heart, when I pull away from the sins I love so dearly, that I can more fully recognize my Father's hand in things, I see His face more clearly.

Much like a child running to a parent with a skinned knee from falling off a bike, I quickly find myself flinging towards my Parents in Heaven, desperate for refuge for a moment, before I head on back out, to keep trying, to keep learning, to keep moving forward.

I'm also having to learn to let go of some things I think I want. They aren't BAD things either. But I am learning to trust that whether THOSE things I want come to pass or not matters far less than the reality that no matter what, Heavenly Father has a plan.

So, I'm trying. And this whole book/blog project is a part of this whole thing. I can't explain it, I can't put it in words (which is why I've been struggling mightily with words lately), but I know that THIS is what the Father wants me to do. Even if it is solely for my own growth and development, so be it.

I'm trying.

Once Upon A Time

Via

What are you doing to make your "Once Upon A Time" the very best that it can be?

A couple years ago, I was feeling the pinch that comes with being "just a stay at home mom". The kids were abundant, the money was tight, and so we decided to have me stop working and stay home. Up until that point I had always worked in one fashion or another, most recently running my own very successful business as a birth doula. 

I was sort of a fish out of water. I didn't know my purpose, beyond, you know, keeping everyone alive. I felt sort of stunted too. I was this PERSON who was no longer doing anything that in the eyes of the world equated value because my bank account registered zero. 

I was a bit a lost. 

So, I really had to soul-search, to find what it was that I wanted out of this new gig I'd been gifted. Yes, utmostly (is that a word?) I wanted happy, healthy, productive children. Of course. But there is more to it than just the kids. 

I wrote, as an answer, a personal Manifesto. It outlines what I believe I am, and what I believe I want to be doing with my life. 

I still look back and refer to it on occasion, though I remember it in detail. 

More importantly though, I'm living it. 

Do you have a manifesto? Whether written or implied, who are you? What do you want with your life? 

Are you living your manifesto? 

Are you learning and growing? 

My mother is SUCH an incredible example of someone who lives her "Once Upon A Time" while working for her "Happily Ever After:" As a child, I watched her learn, grow, and teach us the same. She taught herself Greek and Hebrew, she sewed, cooked meal after meal, served tirelessly in callings, at the schools, taxied us, and on and on. She was and is amazing at living her "Once Upon A Time" As we've grown and reluctantly left the nest, she has continued to make her life HERS, while living FOR CHRIST. 

It is a talent I try to develop. 

You only get this one chance. 

Just one. 

And yes, the days can be terribly boring, dirty, gritty and exhausting, no matter your chosen profession, but are you still seeking the good in all things? 

Don't ever stop reaching for light, growth, and to attempt to get a bit closer to that PERFECTION that Christ has in store for you. 

1 Peter Chapter 1

I really wanted to do a VLOG for this post, but there are three short people who are refusing to cooperate, so I give up! Written word it is.

In 1 Peter, chapter 1, it says, "Where ye greatly rejoice though now, for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ."  (1 Peter 1:6-7).

Then in verse 8:

Via

This has been on my mind a lot lately, rejoicing THROUGH trials, difficulty, the things we have to GET through. None of us is exempt from trials or pain. None get the "get out of trials free" card in this life. We knew what we were getting in to, when we signed on.

Yet, sign on we did. For all the pain and sadness, we knew we'd find true joy. Just like the apostle Peter said, the TRIAL is precious because brings praise, honor and glory to Christ from us.

Trials are a form of sanctification.

Trials are holy.

Trials, in their awful, nitty, gritty, dirty, down low, painful, worldly, earthly, exhausting way, are holy.

At the end, Peter promises, "Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls." (1 Peter 1:9)

If we can view the things we are being tried with as HOLY, DIVINE promises of further grace, further light and knowledge, further growth spiritually, it allows us a greater, deeper patience.

More patience within, more patience in trial.

Because that refiner's fire is oh so hot, sometimes, we waste precious time and energy pulling away, refusing to participate more fully in our own refinement.

But Peter assures us that our souls are in the salvation process as we are tried, as each day we don't give up.

He sums it up beautifully in verses 13, "Wherefore, gird up the loins of your mind, be sober and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

We can't know the plans that the Lord has but we know He wants good to come to us, through Him.

So, let's go forward, girding our loins, fresh courage taking, determined to be better.